Simon

It has been years since I have felt as lost and sad as I do now. I never knew that losing Simon would hurt so bad. I guess I really never let myself fully consider the reality that one day he wouldn't be here though I did know that he was growing older. I thought he'd live to be as old as his sister who is nearly 15. (No, they were not blood relation).

I am just stunned. It is day three and I've cried like a child so many times over the last several days. I feel numb and sad. I feel like my heart is actually broken. I have always known that death is hard for me- but it has been so many years since I have faced a loss that I forgot just how hard. This is HARD. I miss that dog and his sweet, soulful eyes. How he never once did a bad thing. The morning I found him rooting through the compost bin for a snack, coffee grounds on his nose. How he used to love to sleep on any used item of clothing that might find its way to the floor. How he would lay out and bake himself in the sun on a summer day. How he barked and ran around me if I were to dance to music. How he tried to perk his long, curtain-like ears and would sometimes get just the teeniest of a lift. How he'd sigh out, a biiiiiiig sigh, of contented relief. How he loved popcorn. 1 for me, 3 for you...1 for me, 3 for you...

I miss you, Simon! I miss you so bad it hurts. I am thankful for every year and every good memory and I am even thankful that you died with your beautiful head resting on my lap but dammit, I miss you, buddy. I miss you real bad.